healingwithnita

you never know what’s coming next

What now?  Such a suitable caption to describe what I am about to write.

After divorce I was all prepared for loneliness, crying nights, starting life all over again, telling people about my ordeal, unsolicited advice from people and so on. These are pretty standard experiences for divorced male or female.

Recently, my experiences also exposed me to one more category that only women go through -> social Ostracization.

As a married woman, you are accepted by everyone. In many traditional patriarchal customs, societal value for women has been tied directly to fertility and marital status. Simple words I was “righteous” and “auspicious” as a married woman. This meant that I had easy invitation to any religious function that took place around me. I was called for everything.

So what happens when I am divorced…wait for it……..

I am seen as “inauspicious“.

Divorced, Widowed and Childless women are seen as a taboo by few people.

Few people stopped calling me to their religious functions because as per their view- it’s bad omen to invite a divorced girl to one. Seriously????

I did not change. I still pray and go to temples. Then why did few people decide the religious function exclusion based on marital status? why only women go through this?

I went through a deeply painful and traumatic marriage and faced difficult experiences within that relationship and family environment. Despite everything I endured, after divorce, I am the one being judged or viewed through a social taboo! Is that fair !

I thought these discrimination was a thing of past and nowadays no one excluded women based on their marital status.

Till it happened to me…….

Few people ( whom I believed to have good relationship with ) started hiding big events of their life. They had pregnancy announcements party and a religious function to which I was obviously not invited. Through some other acquaintances I got to know about this.

Reason? It’s quite simple. Some people hold the belief that divorced or childless women may carry “negative energy” or bad vibes, and that their presence could somehow have an influence on an unborn child.

Did it hurt me?

YES!

What did I do?

I was hurt by being excluded, but I understand that their behavior reflects their perspective, not my worth.

I forgive them, and accept that I cannot change how they think .

I move on. I do not need to explain anyone anything.

I consciously choose not to dwell not it anymore and to surround myself with people and environments that are healthier for me-> People who accept me for who I am.

Spreading a message out there :

A divorced woman is not necessarily depressed, bitter, or unhappy with life.

I may have had a difficult marriage, but that does not mean I cannot be genuinely happy when I see people I know moving forward and living their lives happily.

Similarly, a woman can be childless and still feel genuine happiness for another woman who is expecting. Not having something in your own life does not mean you cannot celebrate it when it happens for someone else.

We need to stop assuming that a woman’s relationship status, marital history, or motherhood defines her happiness.

A woman can go through loss, disappointment, or difficult experiences and still heal, grow, find happiness, and wholeheartedly wish the best for others.

Just dont decide and assume for women.

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