A work related travel that came as a blessing!
“ I can’t take it anymore , I want space”.
Even though I was away from my ex- husband and his family, I could still feel the suffocation. This was the time when I made the decision to get separated from my so-called narcissist husband that time and live with my sister till I cleared my mind about my marriage.
I really thought that the change of environment would help me to clear my mind and expedite my decision about my marriage.
Well that didn’t happen. Because as soon as my mother heard about my separation she came to live with me and my sister.
No, there was no improvement in my situation. In fact my mother was crying more than me looking at my situation(she is just over emotional). If I even shed one tear then she would start wailing and we all had to put our attention to console her. It felt like my emotion didn’t matter or my right to cry was stolen from me. I was not able to cry openly and I would often cry in bathrooms so that I could avoid consoling her. I felt caged. I was not able to express myself.
Constant reminder . There were times where for a moment I wanted to forget everything and focus on something else. Like watching a light hearted movie, listening to music etc. But no. I was constantly reminded that I had to make a decision by my mother. He anxiety was pouring over me. I was immediately brought back to those bad memories. This increased my stress and anxiety.
During these days I was always angry and irritated. I had no control over my emotions. Nothing made me happy. Anything said to me was taken personally by me. I saw my toxic ex and his family in everyone. I couldn’t understand my own behaviour.
I felt stuck and needed to go away from everyone I knew, just to breathe.
That’s when I got the email.……
I was asked to travel abroad for work. A perfect opportunity. I didn’t hesitate and went for it. I spent three good months there. Weekends I went out, met new people and most importantly I was able to cry . My emotions were only mine and not shared with anyone..I was free to be angry, irritated and sad . I was able to process my emotions freely . I could now see the red flags of my marriage. I had clarity.
After coming back, I was a bit calmer. This did not mean I was not sad but I was at terms with most of my suppressed emotions. I was finally able to decide that I wanted divorce. Best decision ever.
I thank God for providing this opportunity to travel when I needed it the most. It helped me to be with me and get through that tough time.
I understood the importance of processing emotions and not to shove everything deep inside.
© 2026 healingwithnita. All rights reserved.
You’re welcome to share links to this blog. However, copying, republishing, or distributing any content without permission is prohibited.
Leave a Reply