healingwithnita

breaking the old belief system

Right from the moment we are born, the people around us spend all their energy and time to teach you everything they know. Parents teach their kids to walk, eat, talk, read , write etc. They make sure that their kid is ready for the big world out there.

Once we become parents we would do the same for the kids. Its like an heirloom being passed down generations.

But there are few life lessons which we learn the hard way which is is not part of our daily or school curriculum. After my divorce , I had to let go of many limiting beliefs and invite few long lasting ones which actually connected me with myself.

One of those lasting gems is …..

To sit with our feelings

“Just forget it”, “Don’t feel bad ” ,” This how things have been , just adjust”, “Don’t think about it so much”. There are so many phrases I heard right from childhood and during my troublesome marriage. I was asked to hide my feelings. Often when I tried to talk about them they were either dismissed or invalidated. This made me think that feeling sad about anything was never an option. As a result, whenever I was hurt or angry or extremely sad , I would immediately distract myself or would try to forget about it . I would not deal with my feelings.

What did that do to me?

I resented myself for feeling sad. I was my worst critic in that matter. Whenever that feeling arose, i did not know how to respond to it. Small events triggered those hidden emotions in worst ways. The feeling which were not resolved kept haunting my mind.

My mind kept on overthinking to fix things where I just had to actually process my feelings.

I found it difficult to move on from things that occurred years ago.

This was all because I believed that being sad/angry was a sign of weakness.

Slowly I understood the importance of accepting my feelings. Instead of just staying mad or sad, I would try to name my feeling. I would avoid all sort of distraction that time ( no doom scrolling!) and ask myself,

“What am I feeling right now”

“Am I angry , sad, embarassed, guilty?”

I allow myself to feel that emotion without judging myself.

I tell myself , “I don’t have to solve everything right away”.

Give yourself time. That feeling would gradually become less intense. Emotional processing takes time and patience.

Initial days I found it difficult to sit with my feelings. I would instantly turn to phone for distraction.

Now it has become a practice to spend at least 30 minutes with myself daily to ponder on daily events and how it made me feel.

I find myself ruminating less over past event. Older emotional triggers resolved.

We are allowed to feel all those feelings. We are humans its okay to be sad, embarrased or angry at times. What you do with those feelings is what counts at the end.

Its such a simple process with many benefits. Why is this not passed down from generations?

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