Just like the sand in hand, I was tightly holding on to my past for too long.
For me, letting go of the past meant I was weak. It meant that if I forgave the people who hurt me, and what they did was right. I was not ready to accept that.
How people treated me was wrong. How kids in my childhood made fun of me was uncalled for. How my ex and his family treated me was cruel. How my own family instilled fear of failure and pressure in me was unforgivable.
To let it all obliterate just by letting go and forgiving was going against my ego. I was looking for some sort of justice. I was furious and angry.
This anger just spread like wild fire. In every people I met , in one way or other, reminded me of those bullies, ex or family members. I could not trust anyone . I was always holding my sword and shield and was ever ready to jump in battle field when anyone even made a slight move.
Even few songs and restaurants reminded me of the past. I stopped listening to those songs and stopped going to those places.
I was in survival mode………
Did I realize it? Yes ……..
But what stopped me from fixing my self?…
My ego? well… yeah a bit.
I could not go on like this. My mind was healing and re-calibrating and now it wanted a closure. My new self wanted to love , enjoy and be in the present . My reminiscence stopped it from fully doing so.
I had to let my ego go. …. It wasn’t easy….
First I had to sit with every memory of past that popped up and triggered me
Yeah, I had to process the memory and how I felt about it. It was a painful job to be honest. It did pull me back in the past and reminded of those people who hurt me. I have cried as well (no shame in that). Then I had to console my self saying “In present I am safe now .The past can no longer hurt me and I am stronger and wiser than before”. I would tell myself that these things had to happen in my life to teach me a lesson , to be a better version of myself. Slowly I would bring my mind back to present. I would be at peace and would just say at the end “ I let you go memory, you no longer serve me”.
So do these memories come back? ….Oh yes !!!.
But it did not hurt me as before. I was able to process the hurt faster than the previous time. Till it reached a point where that memory no longer had the power to AFFECT MY MIND OR MOOD.
So letting so is not about forgetting what happened to me, but about taking my power back from those memories and people who hurt me.
Realizing they are more hurt than me
The people who hurt others often are the ones dealing with unresolved pain, traumas or insecurities. Let this sync in.
But this does not excuse their offensive behavior.
The limiting beliefs and fears are passed down from generations. People are reluctant to change. The best thing in such cases to understand and accept that I cannot change everything and everyone. Others behavior is their responsibility. I cannot control their state of mind or reactions. Letting go also means to accept I never had any control.
Only thing I have control is how I can rewire myself about my old beliefs and control my response/ mind towards a situation.
Learning letting go is my love language
I thought letting go made me weak. Never realized it is one of the most powerful tools that actually gave me peace.
I am able to enjoy the songs which reminded me of my past. I could sit and enjoy the meal at that same restaurant. I am more in the present. The limiting beliefs do not have any grip over me. I could let my ego take a back seat.
Once I have rid my mind of past, it made space for things to enjoy in the present. I trust others more than before.
Letting go is the most selfish gift I could give to my self. It is now my way of saying “I love you” to myself.
Let me know in the comment if you had a similar experience or what letting go meant to you.
Glad I gave “ Letting go” a chance , 🙂
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