When would my life be normal? I am so fed up with my son’s behaviour.
My friend was venting about her son. She was upset because he would never do his homework on time and always needed someone to remind him about his tasks.
More than his behaviour and how it affected her, what drew my focus was her question. What really came as an epiphany is- aren’t we all running behind “the normal”.
What is normal? who decides? who dictated it? who fed this into our mind? is it written somewhere? what is normal behaviour? what is a normal human life journey like? What is it to be a normal person leading the normal life?
I kept spiralling on these questions. If I think back my definition of normal life came from my mom. It was passed on to her by my grandmother and to her by her mother and so on. The sole definition of normal that we know today is what was established a few decades or centuries back by our forefathers. Their norms were passed down to generations, where each generation just added their definition to it without modification of existing . Ya I know, you just realised your whole definition of normal life is based on a century old person which is not valid anymore. We realise it, yet we cling on to it like our life depends on it. We fear change and refuse to step out of this notion which was passed on to us.
This normal notion is so powerful that it can make you an outcast. The moment you realise this illusion and step out , you are termed as weird by the people who see you are right but are too scared and adamant to admit. In order to compensate for their insecurity, they nicely label the other person as abnormal or rebel.
What is normal? still people have not been able to answer this question.Who ever is reading this article ask yourself, do you fit the definition of normal? The truth is no one does. The definition of normal also changes from one person to another. There is no such thing as normal. Just an illusion created by people because of their assumptions of the world. This attachment to an illusion is what causes all stress , anxiety and fear in us.
We were never meant to be normal , we were just meant to be ourselves. The pressure that we face today at every stage of our life is because of our tendency to follow normal which doesn’t exist.
The anger, the shouting, crying , self doubt is also due to this normal defined by our own self. We have created this trap for ourselves and only once we realise we can step out of it. We always have a choice to break free our definition of normal and liberate ourselves.
I know I have many such notions; for example — that I need to be nice to people no matter how they treat me. My normal was to keep my mouth shut as girls are supposed to be gentle. Due to this I had less confidence and more self doubt. I couldn’t convey my feelings properly and would end up crying.
This illusion had to be shattered and I had to learn to stand up for myself when wronged. Being docile is not normal. This notion had to be wiped clean from my belief system. Still these beliefs are being restructured….
Just pause today and think is your notion of normal the reason for your worry?
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Keep healing 😊.
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